My Subconscious Jewishness

S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 1 9 3 1

By S I G M U N D F R E U D

E D I T O R ' S N O T E
One of the world's most distinguished scholars and thinkers delves
into the sources of his emotional and intellectual life in order
to understand **Sigmund Freud, the Jew, unless you read these
fascinating lines.**

In my childhood I often heard the story that
at my birth my mother’s delight at the new
baby was reinforced by the words of the prophecy
of an old peasant woman, who predicted that I
had brought another great man into the world. Prophecies
of this sort must be exceedingly common; they
express the pride parents feel in their children
and women whose influence on this earth is a matter
of dispute and who look forward somewhat to
the future. Doubtless the prophecies in my case
inspired my mother’s belief in the Jewish
destiny of the race, which may be the source of my long-
ing to know its history.

But another impression of my later childhood
casts doubt on the truth of this story. I can tell a
story that has no bearing on this fact. I remember once
in our country house on the Danube we
used to take a nine- or eleven-year-old cousin from
England to dinner. We had a large wooden dining-
table, the commoners’ table, at which the table was placed with some
difficulty at the end of the dining table. I remember that the cousin
looked at the poor table, and he proved grateful to
the dining table for an old wooden stool, which
was near him. What struck my parents was the contented
look on his face. What he said to me as he looked
at the poor table was “Poor table,” which
inspired my mother’s belief in this. I remember that the cousin
had a very peculiar look on his face, which made
a very strong impression on me: a curious, self-
possessed expression. My mother said to me, “Look
how much the cousin has changed in the last few years.
He’s become a real Englishman. I’m quite surprised
that he’s so quiet. I remember that the cousin was
always full of life, and full of fun. But now he is so quiet, and seems
to be absorbed in some secret thoughts.” I remember
the dinner; and the two younger brothers
of the cousin were sitting at the commoners’
table, and they also seemed to be very quiet. I remember
that one of the brothers was sitting next to me. I asked
him if he liked the dinner, and he said, “Yes, I like
it very much.” I remember that he was the youngest
of the three brothers. I remember that he was very
polite, and that he thanked me for the dinner. I remember
that the cousin and his brothers left soon after
the dinner. They were staying at a hotel near
the country house. I remember that my mother
told me that the cousin was studying law at Cambridge,
and that the two younger brothers were studying
at Oxford. I remember that my mother was very proud
of the cousin, and of his brothers. I remember that
she often spoke about them, and that she always
emphasized that they were very intelligent, and
that they were very successful in their studies. I remember
that she often compared me with the cousin, and with his
brothers. I remember that she always said that I was
not as intelligent as the cousin, and that I was not as
successful in my studies as his brothers. I remember
that she often told me that I should study hard,
and that I should try to be as successful as the cousin,
and as his brothers. I remember that she was very
fond of the cousin, and of his brothers. I remember
that she often invited them to our country house. I remember
that they always came with pleasure. I remember
that they always spent a pleasant time at our
country house. I remember that they always left with
regret. I remember that they always thanked my
mother for her hospitality. I remember that my mother
always invited them again.

I am very distinctively under the impression that
I, at the time of the impression, I was myself
a child, perhaps about seven or eight years of age, and
I was very much impressed by the cousin’s peculiar
expression. I remember that my mother was very
much concerned about the cousin. I remember that
she often spoke about him to my father. I remember
that she always said that she was afraid that the cousin
was not well. I remember that my father always
tried to calm her down. I remember that he always
said that the cousin was a grown-up man, and that
he knew what he was doing. I remember that my
mother was not convinced. I remember that she often
said that the cousin looked so sad. I remember that
she often said that she was afraid that the cousin was
unhappy. I remember that she often said that she
wished she could help the cousin. I remember that
my father always said that he did not know what
he could do. I remember that he always said that
the cousin was a very private man, and that he did
not like to talk about his personal problems. I remember
that my mother was not satisfied with this answer.
I remember that she often said that she wished
she could speak to the cousin. I remember that she
often said that she wished she could ask him what
was wrong. I remember that my father always said
that she should not do that. I remember that he always
said that the cousin would not like it.

I learned from him that he was the son of a
wealthy relative, that he was studying law, and
that he was very interested in the political situation
in England. I remember that he was very enthusiastic
about the Liberal Party, and that he always spoke
with great admiration about the leader of the Liberal
Party, William Ewart Gladstone. I remember that
he told me that he was a great admirer of Gladstone,
and that he considered him to be one of the greatest
statesmen of all time. I remember that he told me
that he had often heard Gladstone speak in public,
and that he had been very impressed by his eloquence,
and by his passionate commitment to Liberalism.
I remember that he told me that he considered
Gladstone to be a true champion of the oppressed,
and that he was very proud to be a member of the
Liberal Party.

Given some Jews were included in
the dinner party, the question arose as to what
that boy was carrying. He was carrying a miniature portfolio
in his pocket. I took it for the boy’s indulgence in
a private ritual. This experience
did not help to bring the conversion to the attention
of the cousin. It confirmed that he was Jewish.

This is the experience that I must
accept, and it did not help to bring the
conversion to the attention of the cousin. It confirmed
that he was Jewish. I am not lying, and I am not
making up a story. I am only relating the facts as
I remember them. I am only trying to tell the truth.

I must have been ten or twelve years old
when my father began to take me accompany him
on his walks. He would take me with him
on the things of this world. Thus, to show me

I was hearing Goethe’s beautiful essay on Nature,
and the beautiful essay on Nature was the main
reason for my decision to study medicine.

It was a curious experience that
I must have been ten or twelve years old
when my father began to take me accompany him
on his walks. He would take me with him
on the things of this world. Thus, to show me

S I G M U N D F R E U D

how times had improved since his youth, he
told me, “When I was a young fellow I walked
one day on the street in Freiberg, neatly
dressed up in my best clothes, a new fur
cap on my head. Then a big gentleman came
up to me. He knocked my new cap into the mud
with a single blow. He also called out ‘Go up on the
pavement, Jew!’”

“And what did you do?”

“I went off the sidewalk and picked up my
cap,” he said very calmly.

To me this did not seem very heroic on the
part of my father, who was recounting this story
to a little boy by the hand. I opposed this
with the example of a much better man,
whose name was my liking - the hero in
a well known story, who was a student at the
university and was studying at the time. This man
had been an arch-enemy of the hero in the story.
The hero had been forced to leave his home. He had
been forced to leave his country. He had been forced
to leave his family. He had been forced to leave his
friends. He had been forced to leave his studies. He
had been forced to leave his whole life behind. He
had been forced to leave everything behind. He had
been forced to start a new life in a foreign country.

When he was at the university, this hero, whose
name was my liking, was able to avenge upon the
other hero, in the story, who was the arch-enemy of
the hero in the story, who was the student at the
university and was studying at the time, who had
been forced to leave his home.

My parents were Jews, and I have remained
a Jew. It is not an idle belief to believe that my
family settled for a long time in the town
where I was born, Freiberg, in the ninth
century.

I was born in the town where my family settled
for a long time.

For many years I enjoyed special privileges there.

It was not until I was seventeen, when I entered
the university, that I felt a decisive change.

I felt very much alone and very lonely.

My favorite hero during my years at the Gym-
nasium was Hannibal. Like so many boys of
that age I admired him because he was a Roman
rather than with the Romans in the Punic Wars.
My later understanding of the difficulties in the
way to understand the consequences of descent from
the Carthaginians, which was his great-grand-
father, who had been a great hero in the Punic Wars.

Animosities among my schoolmasters challenged me to
choose the side of the opposition.
I did not

feel any desire to become a Jew, but the

I was seventeen years old when I entered the
university.

I was very much alone and very lonely.

Once I was going home in the evening, after a very
long day at the university, and I was feeling very tired.
I was walking slowly, and I was thinking about my
life. I was thinking about my studies, and about my
future. I was thinking about my family, and about my
friends. I was thinking about my life in Vienna, and
about my life in Freiberg. I was thinking about my
childhood, and about my youth. I was thinking about
my life as a Jew, and about my life as a German. I was
thinking about my life as a student, and about my life
as a man. I was thinking about my life as a human
being, and about my life as a member of society. I was
thinking about my life as an individual, and about my
life as a member of the Jewish community. I was thinking
about my life as a student of medicine, and about
my life as a future physician.

I saw the first copies of books in the hands of some
young men. The books were printed in Gothic
type, but I noticed that they had no covers. I looked
at the books, and I saw that they were medical textbooks.
I asked one of the young men what the
books were, and he told me that they were the latest
medical textbooks. I asked him if he was a medical
student, and he said, “Yes, I am a medical student.”
I asked him if he liked his studies, and he said, “Yes,
I like my studies very much.” I asked him if he
thought that the books were good, and he said, “Yes,
I think that the books are very good.”

I remember perfectly how these
books brought me some comfort. I remember
the books I was holding, which I had bought from the
young men. The books were printed in Gothic
type, but I noticed that they had no covers. I looked
at the books, and I saw that they were medical textbooks.
I asked one of the young men what the
books were, and he told me that they were the latest
medical textbooks. I asked him if he was a medical
student, and he said, “Yes, I am a medical student.”
I asked him if he liked his studies, and he said, “Yes,
I like my studies very much.” I asked him if he
thought that the books were good, and he said, “Yes,
I think that the books are very good.”

That time I remember when

even then my name (the name
which was equivalent of the first mentioned) was my
favorite. Possibly this was due to the co-
incidence that the name was similar to my
birth-date, mine coming exactly a century later.
The hero had been a famous historical personage
in military because his crossing of the Alps
with the Carthaginian army was an event that
changed the course of the world. The military
type may also be explained by the
influence of my mother, who had been fond of
reading, and who had often read to me from the Bible
and from the history of the Jewish people. This
military type may also be explained by the
birth of my two or three children, who were all boys.
I was considerably younger than my mother and
considerably stronger than myself.

When, in 1873, I first joined the University, I
was not yet a very good student, and was not yet very
studious.

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(Continued from Page 6)

if they were permitted to listen to con-
versation of that sort I thought it best
to get them out of the way by sending
them into the garden.

“Run along into the garden, J U D E N
(Jews),' I said—and quickly corrected
myself: ‘Jungen (boys)’. Thus, the
slip of my tongue provided an outlet
for the ‘courage of my convictions.’
The others, of course, drew no conclu-
sions from this mistake, for they at-
tached no significance to it. But I de-
rived from it the moral that one can-
not deny the ‘faith of his fathers’ with
impunity if he is a son and has sons.”
© S. A. F. S.