28 June 191O  4O7 Brunswick Avenue  Toronto

Dear Professor Freud,

«IP4,0»I trust that you have quite got over the influenza by now; you must get thoroughly set up by your holiday, which I hope will be as interesting as the American one, but less laborious and less harmful to health.

I posted the reprint to you yesterday you were good enough to ask for,«FN1.××There may be a missing letter here.» and also a couple of others.  There are several more "cooking".

Reading over again your «MDUL»Drei Abhandlungen«MDNM» yesterday I was set thinking by your remark (about Hans) as to symbolism in early childhood.«FN1.××See Freud (1905d, pp. 193‑194, n. 2).

»  You have compared the normal with the neurotic as regards sexual traumata, but I don't know how much material you have as regards the other matter.  I assume you have a fair amount, but in case any extra material would be of interest, I subjoin a fragment of my self‑analysis.  You can postpone reading it until you have nothing better to do, though that means putting it off for a long time.

[In unpacking my furn]«FN1.××Crossed out in the original.»

I should start by saying that I consider myself fairly "normal", perhaps not quite so much as the average.  I had a number of Zwang and Angst symptoms, especially in juvenile life, never very serious, though quite pathological. ‑‑ since then analysed.

In unpacking my furniture and arranging it in this house last year I came across a single, wooden stethescope, and on thinking what to do with it was impelled to place it on the consulting‑room desk, between me and the patient's chair.  I never use it, and keep all other medical instruments in drawers.  A few months ago a patient asked me what it was, and why I kept it there.  I gave an off‑hand answer, but it started me thinking.  When I was house‑physician ten years ago (Interne) I always used to carry it whenever I went into the wards, though I hardly ever used it ‑‑ carrying in my pocket a binaural stethescope.  That alone is suspicious, and I used to think it was due to imitation of my house‑physician, who always did the same, and whom I greatly admired when I was a student.  However, it had much deeper grounds as well.

In the last two years I have found out the motive that made me go in for medicine; to do so was a sudden decision at the age of 15, never having previously thought of it.  It was a lucky decision, for I cannot imagine myself happy at any other work.  As a boy I had greatly admired our family doctor, a handsome dare‑devil fellow.  We were in a small country‑place, and he lived with us till I was three years old.  He never much liked me, owing chiefly to my disturbing him then by crying etc..  One day in a rage he hung me in a hight water‑hutt, which with other traumata formed the later basis for a phobia of heights.  Three especial memories stand out as a sort of Deckerrinerung.  (1) I was impressed by a remark of another boy's that the doctor was loved by all the women of the neighbourhood, a fact confirmed by the enormous crowd of weeping women I saw at his funeral, when I was about twelve.  Now I have always been conscious of sexual attractions to patients; my wife was a patient of mine. (2) When the doctor died, my mother cried and I heard her tell my father how kind he had always been to her, and how he had kissed her consolingly the last time he attended her.  I recall feeling jealous, or, to be more accurate, wondering if my father was jealous. (3).  «MDUL»Intense«MDNM»«FN1.××Doubly underlined.

» Angst at having the doctor thrust a spoon down my throat to examine it ‑‑ several times in early childhood; and also on two occasions when he pulled a tooth.

From several dreams, especially No. 7. in my article on dreams,«FN1.××Jones (1910d, pp. 301‑305), and Jones, «MDUL»Papers«MDNM», 1st ed. 1913, pp. 334‑336.

»  I have no doubt that I was in love with him, and that at the age of 3 8/12, when my younger sister was born, «FN1.××Sybil Jones (b. August 1882); Jones was born on 1 January 1979.

»  I had the double phantasy that she was the child (a) of the doctor and myself, (b) of myself and my mother.

Now, I well remember, when about ?7 years old,«FN1.××The "?" is Jones's.

» being examined by the doctor who used a single, wooden stethescope, and it is easy to recall the erotic sensation I got; during the rhythmic chest movements, from the pressure of the instrument.  I must at that time have unconsciously symbolised it as his penis.

Further, in the dream referred to above, the doctor attacked me with a «MDUL»sword«MDNM», therefore wooden stethescope = sword = penis. ("The pen is mightier than the sword", and pen and stethescope each represent the chief weapon of two great professions.).

I was always much struck by the story of one of the British Knights of the Round Table, I forget if it was Sir Launcelot or Sir Galahad, who slept with a maiden with a drawn sword between them to keep him from temptation, and to reassure her of her safety.  The meaning, therefore, of the wooden stethescope on my desk is quite clear.  I still keep it there!

With Kindest Regards  Yours ever  Ernest Jones.